Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
