He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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