my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
