i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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