It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
