i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
