Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
