Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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