at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
