Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
