I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
