I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
