Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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