never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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