no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
