I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
