I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
