I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
