you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were trust falling into bushes
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
