foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
