Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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