I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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