Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
