I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
