She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
