We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
