I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
