sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
