I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
