Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
