oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
