Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
