This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
