she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
