ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
