Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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