Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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