seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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