it was like eating out sand paper
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
