I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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