the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
