his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
