Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
