Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my being single is dangerous.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
