I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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