I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She is in my trunk
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
