We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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