It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
