dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
