dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
