It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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