week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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