I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
