What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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