Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
