I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
