it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
