Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
