Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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