Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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