why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
