Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
is it fun? or sober?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
